Monday, November 15, 2010

Two is the loneliest number

You know, A and I aren't perfect.  It's not even that we pretend to be perfect, but we are generally happy and sometimes I think that other people look at us and think that we have "everything".  And we are pretty lucky - we have a solid marriage, we have good jobs and a more-than comfortable lifestyle, the best furry animals in the world and loving and supportive families.

But a few weeks back we had a minor little fight.  I said something stupid and he snapped at me and suddenly it all seemed like too much to bear and I broke down into tears.  We talked a little about it, being a misunderstanding and all, but later that night when I still couldn't sleep I got to thinking.

One isn't the loneliest number.

Because, if you're alone, well you're just that.  You're alone.  You know where you stand, you know that you're on your own and honestly, the world is your oyster.  Go get 'em.  I'm sure that it's tough not having the support of a partner, but you know what's also tough?  Not having the support of YOUR partner.

This is what I think.  Two is the loneliest number.

Because the worst is when you have someone by your side, someone who you love and who pledged before God and your friends and your family to be with you for the rest of your life, and you still feel lonely.  When they don't understand, or don't try to understand what you're feeling and what you're facing, don't try to reach out and help or hug, and they just roll over in bed and start snoring.  It's one thing to be alone by yourself.  It's quite another to be alone when you're with another person.

I don't want to blow this out of proportion or anything - I mean, like I said, I have a wonderful marriage and a very happy life.  This was a fleeting moment, and when I woke up the next morning to a hug and a cup of coffee on the counter I felt as blessed as can be.  But I also wanted to say that being with another person, having a partner - it isn't everything.  It doesn't mean that you won't ever feel lonely.  Sometimes, you'll feel even worse. 

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