Friday, January 21, 2011

Dear Baby

Yesterday I saw your face for the first time. 

I watched you wiggle on the camera, and even the technican said, "Oh wow - look at that baby moving!"  I explained to her that you were dancing.  I think she rolled her eyes.

What she didn't know is that you were just doing what your Mama asked.  The night before we had our first midwife appointment, and while everything had looked good, they weren't able to find your heartbeat.  No one was particularly concerned, after all, you are only ten weeks old, early to be able to hear it at all.  But for your Mama, who had been waiting and waiting for something, anything, to tell her that you're real, it was a little bit much to bear.  And so before bed, I put my hand over my belly and told you that tomorrow we would see you for the first time.  And I told you that I hoped that you were dancing.

And so you did, moving your little head and your tiny arms.  I saw what will someday be your little nose, and I watched your heart flicker on the screen - 171 beats a minute!  I could have sat and looked at you all day.

When finally we were finished, I got dressed and went out to find your Daddy in the waiting room.  He looked so worried, and I realized that he didn't even know that you were just fine!  I quickly pulled out the photos and showed him the first pictures of his new baby.  Someday when you're older you'll probably be embarrassed to know that we cried a little looking at your sweet face. 

Oh baby.  What a life we have ahead of us, if already at 10 weeks you are dancing.


Monday, January 17, 2011

Dear Baby

When you were 8 and a half weeks old, we took you to Disney World for the first time.  We hadn't quite planned it that way - the trip was scheduled and I guess you just decided that you wanted to come too.   We were, of course, so happy to have you with us.

Now, being 8.5 weeks old, you did cause some trouble for your Mama, but we made it through.  We paid special attention to the "EXPECTANT MOTHERS MAY NOT RIDE" signs, which meant avoiding Space Mountain, Thunder Mountain and, well, we didn't even go to Animal Kingdom since they pretty much hate babies there.  Mostly we ate a lot of popcorn and pasta and crackers, me and you.  It was totally worth it to have you there.

We were thrilled to buy you your first set of mouse ears - embroidered with your name and everything!  Your Mama stood right on Main Street in front of the castle and we took the first "offical" picture of you "wearing" them.  We shared the good news with Mickey and Minnie and you got rubs and kisses from them both. On our last night at the Magic Kingdom, we bought you your first Mickey Mouse right on Main Street.  The most magical Mickey there is for our baby.

I couldn't stop thinking throughout the trip how blessed you are already - how many people love you and can't wait to meet you.  Your whole family talked about you the entire trip - imagining what you would do the next time we visit, wanting to buy you funny things, thinking about how much joy you will bring our lives. 

Every night as we watched fireworks light up the sky, I put my hand on you and wondered if you could feel how happy I was.  You see, your old mama can be a bit of a pessimist.  She worries about things that are beyond her control, and is always afraid of the worst happening, especially when it involves things she wants desperately.  You are, of course, one of those things, and it was hard for your Mama at first to trust that you were real, that you were truly on your way.  But as I tilted my head to the sky, I listened closely as an old friend, Jiminy Cricket, promised: 

When stars are born, they possess a gift or two.
One of those is, they have the power to make a wish come true.

Star light, star bright,
first star I see tonight.
I wish I may, I wish I might,
have the wish, I wish tonight.
We'll make a wish, and do as dreamers do,
and all our wishes,
will come true.

And I pushed aside all of my crankiness and pessimism and began to believe that maybe he was right after all.  Maybe it was as simple as wishing, as easy as picturing you, two years from now, in the same spot wearing your mouse ears and sharing popcorn with your Daddy as you watched Tinkerbell soar across the sky.  And I finally quieted my doubts and my fears, and closed my eyes and wished as hard as I could.

I can tell you this for sure, Baby.  If old Jiminy is right, if in the end it all comes down to a wish, then you will join our lives, and you will be the most blessed, the happiest baby that ever lived.  All our wishes will come true.