Friday, August 27, 2010

Blogging with Zelda

The question has never been "Why blog?"

The question has always been "Why NOT blog?"

And while I had plenty of answers for the first question, it was the second question that would stop me dead in my tracks. It's better for me to just get this out in the open with my first post, just throw it all out there. I have this - well, this - let's call it a "thing." When I was thinking about this - my very first blog post ever - and thinking of how to explain this thing, I thought it might make more sense to you if this thing had a name. I thought I might name it Zelda. Let me introduce you to Zelda.

Zelda is my worst fears. She is that voice in my head that tells me that I'm not good enough. Not pretty enough. Not smart enough or clever enough to ever be anything that's *insert any positive word here* enough.

Zelda had a lot of reason why I shouldn't blog.

A blog! What a narcissitic thing!

Who did I think I was anyway?

Why would anyone care what I had to say?

Who was my target audience? What would my tone be? What would I write about? Would I have to write every day?

WHAT WILL THE MORMONS THINK OF YOU! (You see, I follow a surprising number of Mormon blogs - and I can imagine that my blog content might not always be - uh, how do you say it? Mormon-friendly? And what if the Mormons find me, and they read my blog and they say OH WE HATE YOU (which isn't that the point of being Mormon that maybe you can't hate people) and they stop blogging just so that I can't read their blogs anymore and that would make me so sad I might just curl up and die from loneliness.)

And then Zelda said - MORMONS ASIDE - WHAT ABOUT YOUR MOTHER? You know you're gonna swear in this blog - you're going to say horrible dirty things with a lot of bad words and some day your mother will find this blog and she will say I raised you to be a better person than all this FILTH you're spewing into the universe and you have so disappointed me and Zelda was right all along and my own mother will disown me and that would make me so sad I might just curl up and die from loneliness. Again.)

So - you see - this blogging business - it seemed me that it always ended with my dying from loneliness. And if you know Zelda - she is very persausive.

So I never blogged. Zelda and I read blogs. Sometimes I even commented (Zelda didn't approve). But I never blogged.

But over time, you know, Zelda has really started to piss me off. In fact, if I really think about it, this blog probably started when I saw a special report on the nightly news about bullying in schools. As I listened to these little kids talk about how they're afraid to go to first grade, it reminded me A LOT of Zelda. And when that girl in braids and knee socks put her chin up and walked into her classroom I thought - YOU GO GIRL! and then I was pretty much embarrassed because this wee girl can face the bullies at an inner city high school who probably have GUNS and here I am hiding from Zelda who ISN'T EVEN REAL.

So here we are.

Screw you, Zelda.

(I apologize in advance to the Mormons. And my mother. I really love and respect you both.)

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